LOVE|HATE

A HARD CASE

NO.

Wearing sweatpants (or, even worse - pajama pants) in public.

They are not real pants, so just pretend to have some self-respect and slip into something that doesn’t stay on your body thanks to a drawstring.

It must also be noted that they are especially offensive if there is something stitched across the bum, such as ‘juicy’, ‘princess’, or ‘hottie’.

YES.

Airports.

They’re such bustling, energetic, wonderful places. Reality can be suspended and it doesn’t matter if gum costs $5 or if strangers see you cry while reuniting with someone. They’re anonymous, but familiar and are always full of life.

YES.

San Francisco’s architecture.

YES.

The English countryside.

I would rather be there most of the time.

NO.

Pontiac Sunfires are the worst - especially when their owners (somehow) seem to think they’re sports cars, and have detailed them with horrible ‘sporty’ accessories like spoilers and customized paint jobs. They are often preferred in red or yellow - and in the convertible model - just to further demonstrate their sportiness. Such accents as neon blue license plate trim (often encircling a vanity plate - FNTYMEZ), baby shoes / air fresheners dangling from the rearview mirror, and unfunny bumper stickers (“I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!”) are also often visible, making every inch of these cars detestable. I would rather walk forever.

YES.

Over-the-top, fully committed, garish Christmas decorations. 

A house looks tasteful 11.5 months of the year, and Christmas is a time for excess. Be bold.

YES.

The Majolikahaus in Vienna - designed by Otto Wagner c. 1898.

It’s the most beautiful.

NO.

When people write ‘NOM NOM NOM’ in response to descriptions or pictures of food.

NO.

Those ‘craftsy’ leather Mary Janes that often have an exaggerated toe, perhaps some cut-out leather embellishments (a few polka dots / a rudimentary leaf) or white stitching, and are most likely ‘comfortable’. They are often described as ‘fun!’ and ‘kind of different’ by their proponents, and will usually be paired with a Mandarin-collared tunic and small round-frame glasses (in red - also ‘fun!’). Also accompanying the outfit will be one of the aforementioned reusable shopping bags, which most likely contains Himalayan salt, a box of quinoa and a bar of Green & Black’s 70% Dark Chocolate.